Blissing Out and Away

October 1, 2011 by  
Filed under bliss, personal growth, relationships, travel

mom and her two girls

WOW!! It has been a very-long-time since I have posted in my blog. Bad girl blogger, some would say. Well, to be honest, dear readers, I have been living life, and fulfilling blog writing requirements based on the latest marketing suggestions has not been my priority, rather, living, and feeling into, life has been the name of this girls games lately. 

And, a lot has happened….at the time of my last post I was on day 15 or so of a hospital bedside vigil for my mother, that lasted a total of 28 days and culminated in her passing. Don’t be dismayed, it was an incredibly powerful, profound, transforming, and enlightening time for me. The gifts she gave to me in her final days, and final breaths, are still being integrated into my spirit/soul. I wouldn’t trade that time in for anything, and I am so grateful that I have the life I do that allowed me to be there, to show up, and to have the space to put the rest of my life on hold, while I did that. That time set my life on a whole new course, brought my sister and I closer, and provided the opportunity for a master evaluation of the path I am on. I have not found all the answers. I have discovered a new perspective, and a new outlook that allows me to put aside fear, anxiety, and doubt, and move forward anyhow. 

When you sit with the womyn who has birthed you into the world, and you know that the only thing you can do is provide unconditional love to her in that moment, no matter what your history has been, and then you hold her hand while she takes her last breaths, well… it changes you. It brings home, with a whole new clarity, the idea that we can’t take a damn thing with us when we go, except the love in our hearts, and the awareness of the love we have given away. My mother waited until all of her immediate family was gathered around her, and laughing together, before she left. This spoke volumes to me and has reconnected me to the basic essentials , and elements, of life. 

And I come away with this: life is to short. Way to short. And, it can all change in an instant. Mom was living independently and just fine, at 80 yrs old. A fall, resulting in head wound, started a course of events that led to her passing. Who would have known? Who would have guessed? We must be prepared at any minute for it all to end when we least expect it. What then will we say? Will we be happy with how we have lived our life? 

Mom’s passing, and many other circumstances leading up to that time, and afterwards, has caused this just-turned-50, menopausal, life coach, laughter yoga leader, bliss-ologist, daughter, sister, communitarian, ecologist, earth/gaia girl to completely access her life and go Whoa! What are we doing here? 

The end result?  The letting go of my office. A reduction by 50% of all my belongings. The rest of it in storage. My car packed like a big suitcase. And a journey to re-discover my essence, to re-connect with my core values, and to discover the next place I am meant to be. The hope is for that to be in intentional community. I’m tired of living alone. I want to live and work and play deeply, and intimately, with people who share my values. I want to grow food and live lightly on the Earth. I want to eat, and cook, meals with others. I want to create a history with those I live with, and find support, validation, love, connection, intimacy, affirmation, encouragement, and joy an intentional part of everyday life. Life is to short. Fill it up big. Make the most of it now. Go for your dreams. Live the life you most want to live. Manifest it. Live your bliss.

It’s what I tell my clients. I need to live it too. So watch me, here I go!!

Oh, BTW, it might mean I am not here to much. Or maybe the posts will change in their focus. Or maybe I will start a whole new blog about my adventures. or maybe I will just grow food and let everything else go. Or maybe…….