How to Find Bliss While Tackling the To-Do List, Part 2

Once you begin to integrate the flow of getting things done by connecting to the mood you are in, using the appropriate skill set that is alignment with that, and allowing yourself to weave among the various tasks on your list, you will find that projects become less daunting, and more things will be getting done.

The fun piece is that you only have to stay with your projects if they feel good! If you begin to feel distracted, tired, annoyed, angry, or overwhelmed this is a clear sign that it’s time to move onto something else that needs your attention. Do whatever you are in the mood for, rather than forcing yourself to complete, or continue to do, something that no longer feels good.

As soon as you feel stuck, stop! You will notice all your justifications and excuses about why you “need” to stay where you are-this has to get done, I’m already behind, etc, etc-start to come up. However, what I have learned is that the longer you try to keep doing something when you no longer have the energy for it, the less you actually get accomplished. By jumping to another skill set, you free your energy, allow the skill set you have been working with to rest, and, this is the most important part, you stop trying to swim upstream!!

Here are some benefits of making the switch:

• less overwhelm
• avoid burnout
• more energy
• accomplish more
• experience more joy
• creativity excels
• everything eventually gets attended to
• less stress

The more I play around with this method in tackling my To-Do list, the more fun I am having! I’ve started to experiment with the various skill sets, to see how I can apply them in different ways. For instance, in the past if I was working on developing a project vision, I might sit down with a pen and pad and write it out. Recently I tried painting and collaging instead to think it out, and got wonderful results. Combining dancing with housework is a real blast, making a ho-hum chore a hysterical occasion-especially if someone finds you dancing with your broom!

Give it a try. Step outside the boxes. The whole idea is to make the things we need, or want to do, fun and enjoyable. There is absolutely no reason all that exists on the never ending To-Do list has to be a drag!! (Read that line again if you have to.)

Let’s have fun. Let’s play. Let us honor the flow and rhythms of our bodies, minds and spirits while building up our muscles in all the skill sets.  Scatter yourself all around, planting seeds into everything you do, or like the hummingbird drinking nectar from all the various flowers. Watch how the joy returns to your process, tasks become more fun, and you become less stressed.

Now that sounds like a project worth engaging in, yes?

(Read Part 1 here)

The Roller Coaster of Love

The human heart is such a complex thing. It takes us on a wild roller coaster ride that even the most die hard amusement park ride lovers have trouble coping with. Navigating the wild twists and turns, and stomach curling ups and downs,  of love can make the best of us green, yet we jump on willingly, even when we know what the ride will be like.

Why do we choose to get on these rides? As a young girl I actually hated the roller coaster. I went on it once and that was enough for me. Give me the gentle ferris wheel any day. When it comes to love, however, I seem to be willing to jump on time and time again, forgetting what it felt like the last time when it all went seriously wrong.

I’m still moving through this thing called divorce. The guy that used to be my partner, my lover, my companion is in the process of packing up all his stuff and “getting the hell outta here’, as he so emphatically stated once. He arrived back home from CA, and from the arms of other womyn, last week. Each day I watch as the places where he used to be, become empty. His half of the closet. The garage (well, at least I can walk through it now!). His office. My heart.

When your heart is aching and bleeding all over the floor, how do you see the gifts of the amazing moment you are in? How do you climb in for the ride and arrive at the end hottin’ and hollerin’, climbing out of that little roller coaster car with a smile on your face and a sense of some sort of accomplishment that you survived?

It’s not easy. But survive we do, and eventually we even get back on again for the ride. What I have discovered in this delirious journey is that as my heart expands and contracts, grieves and mourns, rages and releases, I am being birthed into a new self. What better gift could I ask for? She is resilient and strong, empowered and powerful, broken open and freed. The fog has lifted and the clarity is informing and revealing. Suddenly, my stride has become more purposeful and my vision more clear. I detach from that which has not served me, fed my soul, or honored the magnificence of my feminine self. I feel my feelings with a fierce sense of devotion to the ride and a willingness to see myself through it all.

Currently, I am coaching a couple and am leading a group of womyn in a 6 week adventure of healing our relationships with, and beliefs about, men. Realizing that my personal experience provides a rich foundation for the work I do, and allows me to become a masterful coach in the game of relationships, helps me to enjoy the roller coaster just a little bit more. If my journey can make someone else’s easier, then it’s all worth it.

Even so, I’m thinking it’s going to be along time before I decide to ride this roller coaster again!

There is No Bliss in Divorce, or Is There?

Two nights ago, at 10PM, as I was getting ready to drop into a deep and much needed sleep, I got the call. “Sweetie”, he said, mustering up a half-assed and miserably failed effort to connect on some kind of familiar ground, ” I just can’t do it anymore. I have no commitment, no confidence and no faith that things can work out.”  I won’t tell you what he told me next, but suffice to say what it involved included zero integrity, no loving kindness and might I be so bold to say, tons of cowardliness.

Divorce ain’t pretty folks. It rocks our world, turns things upside down and leaves us swimming in a sea of questions and confusion. It strips away all hope, and reduces our faith in humanity. Sometimes we get bitter, often we get angry and many times we lose all faith in ourselves.

Technically, we weren’t married, and, we have been cohabiting for 2 yrs. We share a home, meals and a whole lot else together. For all appearances, our union held a note of perfection that both of us recognized immediately.  To be confronted with the knowledge that we were unable to hold it together, and work through the tough stuff as it showed up, fills me with an impenetrable sadness.

To be honest, it wasn’t a surprise. Still, it hurts like hell, and for someone who upholds a high level of commitment, I was in it for the long haul. One friend sent this today and it spoke so clearly to me:  “There is a life death life cycle within a relationship, if we have the courage to hang in there with it. Not to say break ups do not need to happen, but we also often trigger each others deepest stuff, and if we have the courage to hang in, can have a new birth within the relationship IF we allow ourselves to be transformed by it. Trick is, both have to want and be committed to this.”

And that was the problem, commitment, or lack there of. No matter what the game is that you are playing, you must play with 100% to get the winning results that you are looking for. Otherwise you might as well stay on the bench, or not even show up for the game. I wanted to hang in and discover the new birth, he couldn’t handle the labor.

How do we gracefully deal with these moments, when our heart is breaking and our spirit is shaken? Here are some things I have learned along the way:

• Don’t Do It Alone!! For me, (as a Life Coach supporting others in the design of sustainable relationships and with a business called Living Bliss!), the idea of letting others learn that my life wasn’t perfect was horrifying. Yet, in reaching out I have found so much love, comfort and support that I am almost forgetting about…. what was his name?
• Practice Radical Self Care. I say radical because these are the moments when it is hardest to care for, and be loving to, ourselves. This morning, raw from last nights call and not much sleep, I ate steamed veggies just picked from the garden, and warm rice. The yummy nourishing effects supported me throughout the day, where as coffee would have added to my stress level.
  
• Sit Still. Don’t make any rash decisions or step right into action. Allow for your feelings to surface. Feel them. Rant, rage, cry, scream, mourn. Allow space to just listen to what is asking to be called forth in you. Get to the center of your heart and discover what you need to do.
  
• Exercise!!! As the imminent end drew near I wanted to do nothing other than hide under the covers and sleep. The problem was, I wasn’t sleeping. My mind was obsessively racing and my heart was breaking open. I required myself to get out for a walk each day, and felt increasingly better after each time out. I’ve heard that only 15 minutes a day of brisk walking can seriously improve serotonin levels, a great prevention of depression.
  
• Speak your truth. Do not be afraid to let your now ex-partner know about your disappointment and pain. This can be done in a loving way that is not projecting blame, but speaks the truth in a real and direct way. If there is something you really need for them to hear, keep saying it until it can be heard.
  
• Let go! This is the hardest step. It means letting go of our dreams, hopes, aspirations and visions for what this relationship could have been. It means accepting and fully embracing the other as they are, and blessing them on their journey. It might mean forgiveness as you come to terms with it all. It also means letting go of the fear for what is next, the self judgement for what you “could” have done, and the anger towards the other for actions, “lack of’s”, and ultimately for putting an end to the relationship.  It might also mean letting go of who you thought you were and finding a willingness to transform into something new.
• Celebrate change. Ultimately, I know deep in my heart that this divorce is the right thing. We weren’t happy and our spirits were dying. I find relief in letting go and excitement in the opportunity to begin redesigning my life as I want it, as I mourn the dissolution of the relationship. This 4th of July weekend I am going to have a “Celebrate Independence” party to fully embrace my new life and let go of the old. Rituals of any kind are so important at these times in our lives to mark new beginnings and put closure on things that are complete.
  

For any of you experiencing the heartbreak of “divorce”, or separation, or challenges and struggles within your love relationships, I hold you in comfort, support and love. Know that you are just fine, that it really will be OK, and the sun will come out again. Your heart will open and love will visit again. The lessons you learned on this journey will support you in new and more courageous, evolved, radically wonderful relationships, if you pay attention and do your work. The bliss comes when we are able to deeply integrate these heartaches as heart openings and a great gift to our personal evolution.

As I engage in the process of healing my own heart, I send special prayers to all relationships for healing, transformation and peace.

I send this prayer, especially, to Joao, in honor of all our dreams, lessons and the gifts of our time together.

The Bliss of Great Travel Preparation

This week I am getting ready to leave for vacation. I’m packing my bags, getting my ducks all in a row, defining my intentions and emotionally preparing for a couple weeks on the road.

Preparation is an important part of any journey, whether it is an actual physical journey, or a journey of the heart. How we prepare for something sets the tone for how the experience will be for us.

Sometimes it’s OK not to prepare, to just be spontaneous and on the fly. But even that requires a certain level of preparation to be open to the flow of the experience.

How do you prepare for journey’s? Are you methodical or chaotic? Are you a list maker, or can you keep it all in your head? Do you ask for help, or try to do it all yourself?

Noticing how we engage in certain situations provides clues for how we might best show up in other circumstances. The area of preparation is ripe with possible insights.

Take a moment to consider how you might prepare for your next journey; whether it is traveling home to see the folks, embarking on a new exercise lifestyle, embracing the brilliance of your soul, building your business or learning how to slow down. What are the essentials you need to pack? Is there a new way to prepare that will support you better in arriving at your destination?

Me? I’m a list maker. And I lay out all my clothes on the bed, seeing how many I can mix and match to create numerous outfits with the least amount of clothing. I’ve learned over the years that I tend to wear the same favorite things the whole trip, so there is no need to bring my whole wardrobe. Books on the other hand…..well, let’s just say I always bring a few!

“Traveling is a brutality. It forces you to trust strangers and to lose sight of all that familiar comfort of home and friends. You are constantly off balance. Nothing is yours except the essential things – air, sleep, dreams, the sea, the sky – all things tending towards the eternal or what we imagine of it.” - Cesare Pavese

“All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware.” – Martin Buber

“Not all those who wander are lost.” - J. R. R. Tolkien

(This post originally appeared in July 08, at gaiagirlmargie.gaia.com-since it applies so well to this week, I decided to take the easy road and not write a whole new article. Another trick for great travel preparation-decide what is really important and make it easy on yourself!)

Oh! Blissful Sleep!

A 2004 study in the journal Science reports that the quality of our sleep has a greater influence on our ability to enjoy the day, than our marital status or financial situation.

Oh boy, do I know that one! As a survivor of Epstein Barr, which has symptoms similar to Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and Fibromyalgia, sleep is something that is top on my priority. Unfortunately, I don’t always get the best of it.

My partner has a weird twitching syndrome (no just restless leg, we are talking whole body twitches here!) and while I often fall fast and deeply asleep, I get woken up frequently to the point that it disturbs the quality of my sleep immensely. This can have me waking up in the morning very grumpy, just ask him!

Some medical folks believe that Fibromyalgia is actually a sleeping disorder, where for some unknown reason, those afflicted with this often debilitating condition are unable to reach the Stage Four sleep cycle where all the muscular and cellular repair is done. All I know is that when I don’t get enough quality sleep, I feel it in my body. And then I experience it my temperament!

What I know for sure (as Oprah is fond of saying) is that sleep is super, duper important in maintaining a healthy and balanced outlook, a clear head, and a feel good body. More and more it becomes a priority to get to bed on time, be certain not drink caffeine late in the day, reduce stress and worry, and eliminate negative dynamics before bedtime so that I can be more assured of getting a good nights sleep.

And, for those seemingly to often nights when I don’t get the quality of sleep I desire, other strategies must be engaged. I allow myself 5 minutes of whining and complaining in my journal about how crappy I feel and bla, bla, bla. Then I read something inspiring, that leaves me feeling good, or something that makes me smile. I watch a short, funny video to get my happy hormones moving. I take a walk to get some sunshine and increase my serotonin levels.

This brings me to the biggest lesson I have learned on my journies with Fibromyalgia, Epstein Barr, and a partner with a weird twitiching disorder. How my body feels does not have to equal what my perspectivve and attitude is, nor does it have to ruin my day. I can feel bad in my body, and be ecstatically happy to be alive. I can choose joy, rather than despair. I can take a nap in the middle of the day.

And, I can pray for a good nights sleep tonight!

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