Light At The End Of A Dark Tunnel

Pain. Sadness. Grief. Despair. Stress. “Uck!”, you say? I agree.

Unfortunately, that’s where I have been, to be openly honest.

Well, it’s where I was. Hence the lack of new words, in the last 2 months, on these pages.

Yet, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Actually, I am IN the light right now. Whew……sooooo good to be here.

The journey of life is not always an easy one. Try as we may, sometimes we fall down. Sometimes we can’t get back up for awhile. Sometimes we need to rely on our friends to get us through the day, or even more, the night. Sometimes we wonder if we will make it.

One thing I have learned. The universe, or God, or whatever you want to call it, never gives us more than we can handle. And when it feels like we won’t be able to handle it, it is because we need to learn how to.

The last 8 months have been one of the most challenging times in my life. A period where everything that is my life came up for question, and got turned completely inside out, when my partner made the choice to end our relationship. I’ve come to understand that it wasn’t so much the break-up, or that my partner couldn’t show up the way I hoped he would, that threw me head first and screaming into the dark tunnel. Sure, that was painful and had it’s own set of tears and grief. What had more impact though,  was what got called up with-in me, what I was forced to confront, how I chose to engage in the process, and how in the end I was the one that had to figure it all out and re-design my life. Your friends can only hold your hand for so long.

Having the opportunity to evaluate everything in your life and discern the truth of it for yourself is a wild and weird ride. However, when you wake up one morning and finally accept that things just aren’t what you thought they would be, you have to do something. While it is hard to recognize it at the time, such a cataclysmic event can be a real gift. The blessing for me has been about reconnecting to the essential elements of my souls requirements-what my soul needs to live a life of authentic bliss. Isn’t it amazing how we can lose sight of what those things are sometimes?

The re-design doesn’t happen over night. (Small manageable steps, as I tell my clients all the time!) It requires deep exploration, internal questioning, values review and lots of time for simply healing. In my journey I have given myself oodles of gentleness, self nurturing and space to just be. It’s not easy. I’m a go-getter, organizer and facilitator. To not have a clear sense of what is around the corner of my life drives me crazy sometimes.

But the truth is, do we ever know what is around the corner? If I had known that the fated relationship was going to end up as it did, would I have gone forward? And if not, then what would I have lost? Certainly the rich lessons of the journey. While they came with some heartache, ultimately, the gifts I am left with for myself are ones I am grateful to have. I do not regret the journey.

And today, well, for today I am just darn happy that I made it through that tunnel! And, I’m here to tell you, if you happen to be finding yourself in some dark tunnel with no light in sight, that you will too. I just know it.

The Red Tent Temple Movement

Awhile back a Facebook friend, and fellow Womyn’s Circle facilitator that I originally met back East in what now seems like life times ago, posted a link to a movement that she is starting, called the Red Tent Temple Movement. ALisha Starkweather is well known as an extraordinary and skilled facilitator for personal and global transformation and is the founder of the Women’s Belly and Womb Conference and Daughters of the Earth Gatherings; a Women’s Tribal Event, and her Priestess Path Apprenticeship.

ALisa says, ”

“The Red Tent Temple Movement is a way for women to gather our inner momentum, that feeling like the time is now, and to authentically come forward with everything we are as women. It gives us a place to incubate, dream, slow down, without an agenda or plan. It is a woman space where we can share stories, laughter, songs, food and honor our unique feminine cycles that we experience each month, whether we are in our bleeding time or going through peri-menopause and menopause. The Temple provides a way that is more consistent with our actual rhythms, cycles and ways of being in relationship to each other that support, foster and give us strength and courage.

It is time. The women are ready to co-create a vision in the societies we live in and make a place among us where women are honored by honoring our own unique journeys of womanhood. Join us in a revolutionary act. It is more than a woman’s circle. It is a deep learning process of unlearning the busy and finding the moment.

Inside the Red Tents we give ourselves time to remember who we are at our very core, while honoring that to remember we must turn from our identities and roles towards the innermost temple of our own hearts. Come into the Red Tent and stop. In the quiet and sometimes celebratory company of wonderful women, feel. In what you feel, there is much that is waiting for you.”

I am pleased, and happy, about bringing a Red Tent Temple to my local community of Bisbee, AZ. It’s important. It’s time. Womyn need a place to come together, to gather, to reconnect. We live in such crazy times, and our ancient ways of womynhood and divine feminine experiences are getting lost. As we struggle to fit into the boxes of societies demands and our various roles, the essence of our authentic spirit cries out to be heard and attended to. Come to the Temple. Relax. Unwind. Be nurtured by other womyn. Share stories and wisdom. This is how we create, design, and maintain sustainable relationships in our lives. Reconnect to your spirit, your story, your dreams, your purpose. Laugh, Dance and Play. The time is now.

My heart sings in the anticipation of being in your presence inside The BisbeeRed Tent and/or of visiting your Tent wherever you are. Join the movement. Erect a Red Tent in your community.

(The Red Tent of Bisbee, AZ will be starting Dec 15th. Connect with Coach Margie for more information)

How to Find Bliss While Tackling the To-Do List, Part 2

Once you begin to integrate the flow of getting things done by connecting to the mood you are in, using the appropriate skill set that is alignment with that, and allowing yourself to weave among the various tasks on your list, you will find that projects become less daunting, and more things will be getting done.

The fun piece is that you only have to stay with your projects if they feel good! If you begin to feel distracted, tired, annoyed, angry, or overwhelmed this is a clear sign that it’s time to move onto something else that needs your attention. Do whatever you are in the mood for, rather than forcing yourself to complete, or continue to do, something that no longer feels good.

As soon as you feel stuck, stop! You will notice all your justifications and excuses about why you “need” to stay where you are-this has to get done, I’m already behind, etc, etc-start to come up. However, what I have learned is that the longer you try to keep doing something when you no longer have the energy for it, the less you actually get accomplished. By jumping to another skill set, you free your energy, allow the skill set you have been working with to rest, and, this is the most important part, you stop trying to swim upstream!!

Here are some benefits of making the switch:

• less overwhelm
• avoid burnout
• more energy
• accomplish more
• experience more joy
• creativity excels
• everything eventually gets attended to
• less stress

The more I play around with this method in tackling my To-Do list, the more fun I am having! I’ve started to experiment with the various skill sets, to see how I can apply them in different ways. For instance, in the past if I was working on developing a project vision, I might sit down with a pen and pad and write it out. Recently I tried painting and collaging instead to think it out, and got wonderful results. Combining dancing with housework is a real blast, making a ho-hum chore a hysterical occasion-especially if someone finds you dancing with your broom!

Give it a try. Step outside the boxes. The whole idea is to make the things we need, or want to do, fun and enjoyable. There is absolutely no reason all that exists on the never ending To-Do list has to be a drag!! (Read that line again if you have to.)

Let’s have fun. Let’s play. Let us honor the flow and rhythms of our bodies, minds and spirits while building up our muscles in all the skill sets.  Scatter yourself all around, planting seeds into everything you do, or like the hummingbird drinking nectar from all the various flowers. Watch how the joy returns to your process, tasks become more fun, and you become less stressed.

Now that sounds like a project worth engaging in, yes?

(Read Part 1 here)

How to Find Bliss While Tackling the To-Do List

(Part 1 of a 2 part series)

Here is my basic premise: There are always things to get done. We orient our lives around a perpetual to-do list. Everything from paying the bills, feeding the kids, building our business, mowing the lawn, getting exercise, socializing, defining our purpose, attending our relationships, and everything in between. Our To-Do lists can provide structure and order, or they can provide us with a never ending sense of guilt about what we are not doing and accomplishing. We create lists to stay on track, to not forget, to stay connected to our vision, and to define priorities.

But what happens when our lists become a mile long and we really aren’t getting anything on them done?What is the message here? Why are we able to do some things, and not others? Are the items on it really that important? Are they not in alignment with our values so we ignore them , hoping they will go away? Is there no juice, passion, or motivation in the tasks? Are they there out of some sense of obligation, should, or have to?? Or is there some other element at play here?

A bit ago I did some of my own personal exploration around my pattern of doing things and attention to my own To-Do list. Working with the above basic premise, my inquiry led me to a methodology that I have adopted and is working really well for me. As you read I ask you to consider these ideas for yourself, to give them a try, and then to get back to me with some feedback. How did it work for you? What am I missing? What did you notice about yourself as you integrated these ideas and changed your relationship with your To-Do  list? My hope is to develop this into a workable program that will support individuals and groups move into a more enjoyable experience with the tasks of their lives, to find a way to make it a fun game worth playing, and from that place to get dynamic results where everything gets done with lots of time left over for the really important things in their lives.

The secondary premise, after there is always things to get done, is that all of these things require various degrees of our cognitive, creative, intellectual, physical, mental, emotional, and even spiritual, skills and attention. For instance, mowing the lawn requires our physical ability, but not so much of our creative or mental skill. Building our business might engage our creative and emotional skills, as well as our intellect, with each element being required in various degrees depending on the task at hand. When we recognize this and allow ourselves to do the tasks that best feed the skill center we seem to be in at the moment, I am discovering, we can get more done, and our sense of passion and joy increases as well.

Here are the problems-being scattered, getting distracted easily, lack of focus, lack of completion, being stuck or bogged down, no energy, brain fog-any of these sounding familiar? Actually, these are not problems! They are signs that you are not utilizing the appropriate skill set!! It’s an opportunity to check in with yourself and see what you need. Working on a creative project and feeling stuck? Maybe it is time to stop, get up and go get your exercise for the day. Allow the creative energy to be moved, so that it can come forth. Guaranteed, when you go back to your project, you will have new ideas and the creativity will be flowing again.And, you will have gotten your exercise.

Because there are so many things to do, if we stop trying to force ourselves to get one thing done when it’s not working, and instead let it go and attend to something else that is more in alignment with what our body, soul, and spirit is calling for in that moment, eventually, we will get everything done. We work in a more cyclic, creative flow, rather than a dogmatic, linear way. Sounds way more fun and bliss inducing to me.

Stay tuned for more ideas on my new Getting Things Done methodology, including tips on how to integrate these ideas, and the benefits of making the switch. In the meantime, try this idea on for size, and tell me what you think.

Loving What Is In the Lessons of Love

The Summer of 1967 was known as “The Summer of Love”. I was only 6 yrs old, and undoubtedly already learning some lessons of love, or the lack thereof, within the strange realms of an alcoholic household.

42 years later, as yet another Summer season draws to a close, I wouldn’t exactly put this years Summer experience in the high love category. However, as I navigate the tumultuous waters of lost love (do we ever really lose love? I mean, how can we? Love resides within us, not outside of us…) and “divorce”, I certainly have learned a lot about love.

I’ve also been reading, and working with, Bryon Katie’s fascinating ideas about “Loving What Is”, which is also the title of her new book. With the basic premise that the root cause of suffering is the identification with our thoughts and the stories that we have continuously running through our minds, Katie offers a process of 4 questions that can turn around our thoughts and give a new perspective, allowing us to stop fighting reality and accepting what is (http://thework.com). Exploring The Work has allowed me to look deep within myself and discover the stories I have been operating under as I struggle to make a transition that I didn’t ask for, or want.

When your life is made up of certain ideas about the future, commitments, and partnerships, a sudden change, even with all the pre-warning signs, can be traumatic. I have cycled through so many levels of grief, anger, sadness, righteousness, blame, acceptance, and letting go, and am certain there are many more to come. I’ve spent moments hiding under the covers, other moments strongly empowered. I’ve supported clients in their love relationships, witness to the magical unfolding of their journey, a fellow traveler on the path.

Rumi says, “Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.” I know this, yet, I do grieve. I have to. I can’t help it. Moving through the grief allows me to accept, to let go, to dive deep into the wells of all the love that I am, that I have given to others, and that I yearn to share again. It reminds me that I am alive, that I am feeling, and as I give permission to myself to feel, to grieve, to rage, to just be in what is, I learn the largest lesson of all about love: that ultimately we must love ourselves unconditionally, in the weakest, darkest, I’m-so-small-and-lost moments, if we ever hope to fully open our hearts to love again.

“Better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.” Hemingway

What’s happening in your life with love and relationships? Join me for a 6 week teleclass series “Loving Ourselves While Loving Others” starting in mid-Oct, where we will explore belief patterns and habits that keep us stuck in unfulfilling relationships, identify sabotaging behaviors, and learn specific techniques for embracing a new way of being in healthy, authentic, co-creative relationships. . If you would like to go a little deeper, plan on participating in the 6 month relationship support group where you can take advantage of personalized coaching for half the cost. Details coming soon.

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