Celebrating Birthday’s

Today is my birthday. 48 years old.

First thought: Can that really be true?

Second thought: I don’t feel 48. (What exactly does 48 feel like?)

Third thought: Oh dear!

In some ways it feels just like any other day-except that I got tons of love messages on Facebook, a girlfriend arrived waving a bouquet of white tulips, I got a fabulous massage and taken out to lunch by another friend, and I’m being treated to dinner by my sweetie tonight.

However, the morning didn’t look like anything I anticipated, the things I most wanted to do got neglected, I’m yelling at myself for that chocolate brownie at lunch cause I have a super sugar hangover happening and feel like crap, and my to-do list didn’t get touched.

Of course this is a great opportunity to love myself unconditionally, practice letting go and embracing what is, and looking for the gift therein. After all, it’s my birthday, gifts are a part of it, yes?

Birthdays usually cause lots of reflection and renewed commitment to my goals for the year. Since my birthday is in mid May it”s perfect timing for that. But here is the truth. I don’t really feel like doing that today.

Today I just want to have fun. I want to be surrounded by all my friends and feel their warm hugs around me. I want buckets of laughter and tons of silliness. I want to skip and play. I want all my cares and concerns to go floating away. I want to feel free and unencumbered in my body. I want  be a kid again.

48 years. That’s a bit of time. I know I am entering into a profound and powerful period of my life. Actually, I am looking forward to it, and just the other day as I contemplated the arrival of this years birthday, I began to plan for my 50th (and a grand one it will be!). It’s just that it is really hard to believe that I am here already. Stop the ride, I want to get off for awhile!

I pause for a moment and gaze out the window. There is a delicious play of light filtering through green leaves, and the hummingbird is at the feeder. Colorful prayer flags on the fence flutter in the breeze while the sun catches a crystal and sends rainbows across the room.

Suddenly it occurs to me. I am 48 yrs young. Amazing! Wonderful! How lucky am I? I’ve still got 1/2 my life, at least, to live. When I am 100, (I’m planning on getting to 105) 48 will feel like a kid! So, what am I waiting for? It’s time to play!! And, it’s my birthday. I’m sending those cares and concerns packing, saying to hell with the to-do list, transforming this morning to a growth opportunity, and stepping deep into the gratitude for all the gifts in my life, especially for friends who show up waving flowers and give super loving massages.

Happy Birthday to me. Hold on, we got one amazing ride coming up!