Light At The End Of A Dark Tunnel

Pain. Sadness. Grief. Despair. Stress. “Uck!”, you say? I agree.

Unfortunately, that’s where I have been, to be openly honest.

Well, it’s where I was. Hence the lack of new words, in the last 2 months, on these pages.

Yet, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Actually, I am IN the light right now. Whew……sooooo good to be here.

The journey of life is not always an easy one. Try as we may, sometimes we fall down. Sometimes we can’t get back up for awhile. Sometimes we need to rely on our friends to get us through the day, or even more, the night. Sometimes we wonder if we will make it.

One thing I have learned. The universe, or God, or whatever you want to call it, never gives us more than we can handle. And when it feels like we won’t be able to handle it, it is because we need to learn how to.

The last 8 months have been one of the most challenging times in my life. A period where everything that is my life came up for question, and got turned completely inside out, when my partner made the choice to end our relationship. I’ve come to understand that it wasn’t so much the break-up, or that my partner couldn’t show up the way I hoped he would, that threw me head first and screaming into the dark tunnel. Sure, that was painful and had it’s own set of tears and grief. What had more impact though,  was what got called up with-in me, what I was forced to confront, how I chose to engage in the process, and how in the end I was the one that had to figure it all out and re-design my life. Your friends can only hold your hand for so long.

Having the opportunity to evaluate everything in your life and discern the truth of it for yourself is a wild and weird ride. However, when you wake up one morning and finally accept that things just aren’t what you thought they would be, you have to do something. While it is hard to recognize it at the time, such a cataclysmic event can be a real gift. The blessing for me has been about reconnecting to the essential elements of my souls requirements-what my soul needs to live a life of authentic bliss. Isn’t it amazing how we can lose sight of what those things are sometimes?

The re-design doesn’t happen over night. (Small manageable steps, as I tell my clients all the time!) It requires deep exploration, internal questioning, values review and lots of time for simply healing. In my journey I have given myself oodles of gentleness, self nurturing and space to just be. It’s not easy. I’m a go-getter, organizer and facilitator. To not have a clear sense of what is around the corner of my life drives me crazy sometimes.

But the truth is, do we ever know what is around the corner? If I had known that the fated relationship was going to end up as it did, would I have gone forward? And if not, then what would I have lost? Certainly the rich lessons of the journey. While they came with some heartache, ultimately, the gifts I am left with for myself are ones I am grateful to have. I do not regret the journey.

And today, well, for today I am just darn happy that I made it through that tunnel! And, I’m here to tell you, if you happen to be finding yourself in some dark tunnel with no light in sight, that you will too. I just know it.

Self Ecology, Planetary Sustainability

This Summer has involved a lot of pain for me on various levels, as you know if you have been reading my blog. Now, I’m not telling you that to get sympathy or elicit your feeling sorry for me. It’s just fact. It is, what it is, what it is, as my clients often hear me say. Now that I am over the worst of it, I can look back and see what an amazing process it has been and recognize all the growth it has produced. The hugged-to-hard rib is healing, and so is my heart. I’m able to see beyond the intensity of my emotional self and things are looking pretty good!

Recently I found a wonderful piece of poetry, in an old “We-Moon” dayplanner, that I glued into my journal because of it’s perfection with regards to my process. What I have realized, as the seasons change and I come out of this Summer, is that the most important and wise thing I did through it all was to practice radical self care above and beyond any other concern. As I allowed myself to grieve my losses, and cry with the pain, or scream with the agony, and rage with upheaval of it all, I was facilitating a healing process. Had I ignored or denied what my experience was, it only would have come back to haunt me in the future.

This is true for our planet as well. The longer we deny and ignore the undeniable problems we are being confronted with, such as radical climate change, the larger the problem will become. If we accept what is, and set about changing it, then there is some prayer and hope that we just might heal things. In the process we also need to grieve our losses, rage with the absurdity of it all, and shed the tears of despair that rise from the depths of our spirit souls. Arne Naas calls this our Deep Ecology. It’s the place were we realize that we and Earth are one, and in caring for ourselves we care for the planet, and vica-versa.

The poem in the We-Moon calendar (http://www.wemoon.ws/), by Mary Steel, is called Self Ecology, and it speaks to the same thing.

Self Ecology

Without reverence for my
ecological self
without my own inner balance
where I find poise between
the skies of my ambitions
and the requisites of my earthly state
I cannot be that warrior

Without the quiet place reached
in grace and thanksgiving skywards
while the daily needs of my body
her bones, her flesh
draw me earthwards
I cannot engage in planetary survival

Without opening the portals
cosmological to base
in my own energy systems
I cannot go forth
and open the portals
for survival
of our planetary systems

And without standing aside to
watch in peace
the quiet flow of the energy
in my body
and the soft waterfalls of my mind
I cannot be that warrior.

Practicing Self Ecology is a radical act of planetary health care. For, when we understand our own micro-systems and bio-regions and changing seasons, we can better relate to, and want to protect, the natural environment around us.

Here, at Bliss101, we encourage the design of sustainable lives, relationships and environments. Self Ecology/Deep Ecology is a primary cornerstone of the philosophy that motivates and drives my engagement with, and support of, my clients. I invite you to join us on this journey as we move into this critical time on this planet. In the meantime, take good care of yourselves!

The Power of Hugging

Who knew the power of hugging? Well, quite honestly, I’ve always been a huge hugger. I hug people when I first see them, when I say goodbye,even if I just saw them yesterday and will see them in a couple hours. In my mind, I imagine there is the slight possibility that I may not see them again and I don’t want to regret that I didn’t hug them with all my love, affection, admiration and respect that one last time. I’ve learned to open my arms with an invitation of a hug, rather than assume everyone wants to hug just because I do. After awhile, you just know who the fellow huge huggers are, and who tends to shy away from hugging. Respecting everyone where they are, you jump into the arms of those who love to hug and you hug the others in your mind and heart. This is all the practice of engaging bliss into your life-loving others as they are, and being all of who you are without quieting that which deeply moves you.

In my community there is one burly, gregarious, happy hugger of a man, who every time I see him my body goes into a little happy dance, because it knows we’re going to get not only a fabulous hug, but a very sweet little spinal adjustment as well. It’s marvelous, and limits my need to visit the chiropractor, thereby keeping precious dollars in my pocket (always a plus these days!) So, when I saw him last week my receptivity to his hug invitation was no different. Unfortunately, his hug was! Somehow, someway, something went very wrong, and in the process of our hugging one of my ribs got cracked!! As I said, who knew the power of hugging. Ouch!

One thing I have definitely been continuously reminded of this Summer, is that pain brings awareness. Suddenly, in the days that followed, I was so focused on my core-how I moved it, the ways I stretch it, where it’s weak, and how much I depend on it. This was the power of the hug-bringing me back to my core, to my center, and into the awareness of her necessary healing, and I don’t just mean on a physical level. Wow!

In no way will this experience stop me from hugging! For me hugging is a simple, easy, harmless (well, most of the time!) way of counteracting the touch deprivation so prevalent in our culture these days. Touch is healing. Touch connects us. Hugging let’s us know we are loved.

How do you hug? Are you a tent hugger, keeping the lower half of your body extended away from the other person? A one sided hugger, where your hips are touching rather than a full frontal connection? A one arm hugger, never fully committing to the hug? A back slapping hugger? Do you relax into the hug, or stiffen and feel tense? Do you hug with clean, clear intent, or attempt to cop a feel? Is there a hidden agenda, or just the desire to embrace this being before you with love and yummy-ness?

Check out this great video, if you haven’t seen it yet, about how one man took to the streets with a “free hug” campaign. It’s a great example of how hugging can change the world. (Watch for all different types of hugs!)

I invite you to explore the power of hugging. To begin opening up to the receiving of magnificent hugs from others, and engaging in the practice of inviting others to be hugged. See where your edges are. Observe how you hug. Explore yourself and your thoughts about hugging. Most of all, don’t forget to hug yourself-lovingly, gently, and often! Drop into the bliss of it all.

Then go out and start your own Free Hugs campaign and see how your world changes.