Light At The End Of A Dark Tunnel
February 22, 2010 by Coach Margie
Filed under Health & Wellness, Whole Health, divorce, emotional energy, personal growth, relationships, self empowerment
Pain. Sadness. Grief. Despair. Stress. “Uck!”, you say? I agree.
Unfortunately, that’s where I have been, to be openly honest.
Well, it’s where I was. Hence the lack of new words, in the last 2 months, on these pages.
Yet, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Actually, I am IN the light right now. Whew……sooooo good to be here.
The journey of life is not always an easy one. Try as we may, sometimes we fall down. Sometimes we can’t get back up for awhile. Sometimes we need to rely on our friends to get us through the day, or even more, the night. Sometimes we wonder if we will make it.
One thing I have learned. The universe, or God, or whatever you want to call it, never gives us more than we can handle. And when it feels like we won’t be able to handle it, it is because we need to learn how to.
The last 8 months have been one of the most challenging times in my life. A period where everything that is my life came up for question, and got turned completely inside out, when my partner made the choice to end our relationship. I’ve come to understand that it wasn’t so much the break-up, or that my partner couldn’t show up the way I hoped he would, that threw me head first and screaming into the dark tunnel. Sure, that was painful and had it’s own set of tears and grief. What had more impact though, was what got called up with-in me, what I was forced to confront, how I chose to engage in the process, and how in the end I was the one that had to figure it all out and re-design my life. Your friends can only hold your hand for so long.
Having the opportunity to evaluate everything in your life and discern the truth of it for yourself is a wild and weird ride. However, when you wake up one morning and finally accept that things just aren’t what you thought they would be, you have to do something. While it is hard to recognize it at the time, such a cataclysmic event can be a real gift. The blessing for me has been about reconnecting to the essential elements of my souls requirements-what my soul needs to live a life of authentic bliss. Isn’t it amazing how we can lose sight of what those things are sometimes?
The re-design doesn’t happen over night. (Small manageable steps, as I tell my clients all the time!) It requires deep exploration, internal questioning, values review and lots of time for simply healing. In my journey I have given myself oodles of gentleness, self nurturing and space to just be. It’s not easy. I’m a go-getter, organizer and facilitator. To not have a clear sense of what is around the corner of my life drives me crazy sometimes.
But the truth is, do we ever know what is around the corner? If I had known that the fated relationship was going to end up as it did, would I have gone forward? And if not, then what would I have lost? Certainly the rich lessons of the journey. While they came with some heartache, ultimately, the gifts I am left with for myself are ones I am grateful to have. I do not regret the journey.
And today, well, for today I am just darn happy that I made it through that tunnel! And, I’m here to tell you, if you happen to be finding yourself in some dark tunnel with no light in sight, that you will too. I just know it.
Core Fundamentals for Living Bliss
October 13, 2009 by Coach Margie
Filed under Life Coaching, Self Development, Whole Health, emotional energy, personal growth
I recently became inspired to consider what core fundamentals were operating in my life these days, and if they were appropriate for these times we currently find ourselves living in. I discovered that I needed to adjust my thinking in some areas to accommodate for the changes and to make way for continued success in my life and business. I realized that I had indeed been sucked into the fear of “things to come” and that this completely took me out of the present moment, and my ability to enjoy each moment for the wondrous gifts they are.
While there are a lot of things out there to be concerned about, and it is important to stay informed, we do not need to let any of it determine how we show up each day, nor do we need to let any of it ruin our individual bliss. We can lose material possessions, jobs and bank rolls, even relationships, but we don’t have to lose our spirit, our passion, our compassion, our connections with others or our spiritual path.
Knowing the core fundamentals that keep us inspired, hopeful, on track and present to each moment are touchstones to which we can return.
Take a moment to jot down 3-4 items, small catch phrases or affirmations, that provide a foundation for you. You may find, as I did, that you will re-access certain ideas or ways of being so that you can navigate more easily-this is the idea! Allow for these fundamental elements to flow forth from your authentic center-there are no should’s or have to’s here, only a desire to be more connected to the essence of your “Living Bliss”, whatever that is for you.
Here are my 4 core fundamentals that I am currently working with:
* Live with passion and joy
* Trust the process
* Be authentic
* Put yourself out there
What are some of your core fundamentals that can keep you happy and a float these days? I would love to hear what’s working for you.
Experiencing Men, Experiencing Ourselves
July 9, 2009 by Coach Margie
Filed under Health & Wellness, Self Development, Whole Health, personal growth, relationships, self empowerment, sustainability
Wanting to announce this new program that I am very excited about!!
I would love to invite you to a very special womyn’s circle, that I know many of you would enjoy and benefit from. This 6 week experience (meeting 1x week) explores our intimate relationships with men, our beliefs we have about men, and what patterns and behaviors we have developed that don’t support healthy, whole and happy partnerships.
As the circle is limited to only 7 womyn, and it is half full already, if you are interested it is best to let me know ASAP. If you are unable to join for this time frame, and are wishing you could be a part of the group, let me know. With enough interest we will run a 2nd group, and I am also considering a tele version of it.
Look forward to having you be a part of the circle!
Experiencing Men, Experiencing Ourselves-
A Womyn’s Relationship Support and Healing Group
A 6 week adventure, starting July 27th, and meeting for each consecutive Monday after.
6:30PM-8PM
$10-15 donation per session
Appropriate for ALL womyn-single, in relationship, married, or divorced.
Commitment to the full 6 weeks required.
The journey of intimate relationship between men and womyn is fraught with hope, desire, disappointment, pain, joy and fear. For most couples, relationship is often a struggle. While we all yearn, and have a strong urge for, love relationships that are free of mistrust, disharmony, separation and pain, rarely do we find the pot of gold at the end of the tunnel.
As womyn we especially desire to discover a nurturing, supportive, loving and tender partnership that allows for us to safely bloom into the sensual, incredible womyn creatures that we are.
Is it all the men, or do we have a part in the results and outcomes of our intimate relationships? What conscious beliefs and subconscious learnings influence our behaviors, our decisions,and our relations with men? How are we sabotaging our best intentions, or making choices so that we can continue to play out our stories?
Within a peer group of other womyn asking these same questions, and wanting to commit to a new path, we will explore our intimate relationships to, and with men. We will discover the commonality of our experiences , witnessing, acknowledging and validating our shared journey’s.
Utilizing group discussions, facilitated exercises, sharing circles, grief work, personal reflection and other processes, we will strive to understand ourselves better as we begin to discover ways to improve our relations with men through improving relationship with self. We will identify sabotaging patterns, behaviors and thoughts, and make a new commitment towards embracing a better way. We will learn how we can choose better by honoring our authentic truths, releasing fear and recognizing when we are going down a repetitive path.
This safe, confidential, and experiential loving space will also include celebration, honoring and respect of our innate beauty as womyn, the challenges we face, and the vision we share for right relationship. It is possible to experience intimacy with abundance and joy and create an amazing life that can include an amazing partner!!
Can a group of powerful and loving women help each other get what they truly want and deserve? Yes, we can!!
Coach Margie Scott is a Master Certified Retreat and Life Coach, with over 15 yrs experience facilitating groups and events. Through her work, and in support of her clients, she encourages the design of sustainable lives, relationships, and environments, with a focus on Whole Health. She is the owner of Living Bliss Life Coaching and Retreats, and has been playing the relationship game for a very long time! Her most recent game has taught her the value of conscious commitment, and has uncovered the power of hidden beliefs, sabotaging behaviors and the silent contracts that we bring to our relationships.
There is No Bliss in Divorce, or Is There?
June 30, 2009 by Coach Margie
Filed under Health & Wellness, Self Development, divorce, emotional energy, personal growth, relationships, self empowerment
Desert Storm
Two nights ago, at 10PM, as I was getting ready to drop into a deep and much needed sleep, I got the call. “Sweetie”, he said, mustering up a half-assed and miserably failed effort to connect on some kind of familiar ground, ” I just can’t do it anymore. I have no commitment, no confidence and no faith that things can work out.” I won’t tell you what he told me next, but suffice to say what it involved included zero integrity, no loving kindness and might I be so bold to say, tons of cowardliness.
Divorce ain’t pretty folks. It rocks our world, turns things upside down and leaves us swimming in a sea of questions and confusion. It strips away all hope, and reduces our faith in humanity. Sometimes we get bitter, often we get angry and many times we lose all faith in ourselves.
Technically, we weren’t married, and, we have been cohabiting for 2 yrs. We share a home, meals and a whole lot else together. For all appearances, our union held a note of perfection that both of us recognized immediately. To be confronted with the knowledge that we were unable to hold it together, and work through the tough stuff as it showed up, fills me with an impenetrable sadness.
To be honest, it wasn’t a surprise. Still, it hurts like hell, and for someone who upholds a high level of commitment, I was in it for the long haul. One friend sent this today and it spoke so clearly to me: “There is a life death life cycle within a relationship, if we have the courage to hang in there with it. Not to say break ups do not need to happen, but we also often trigger each others deepest stuff, and if we have the courage to hang in, can have a new birth within the relationship IF we allow ourselves to be transformed by it. Trick is, both have to want and be committed to this.”
And that was the problem, commitment, or lack there of. No matter what the game is that you are playing, you must play with 100% to get the winning results that you are looking for. Otherwise you might as well stay on the bench, or not even show up for the game. I wanted to hang in and discover the new birth, he couldn’t handle the labor.
How do we gracefully deal with these moments, when our heart is breaking and our spirit is shaken? Here are some things I have learned along the way:
- Don’t Do It Alone!! For me, (as a Life Coach supporting others in the design of sustainable relationships and with a business called Living Bliss!), the idea of letting others learn that my life wasn’t perfect was horrifying. Yet, in reaching out I have found so much love, comfort and support that I am almost forgetting about…. what was his name?
- Practice Radical Self Care. I say radical because these are the moments when it is hardest to care for, and be loving to, ourselves. This morning, raw from last nights call and not much sleep, I ate steamed veggies just picked from the garden, and warm rice. The yummy nourishing effects supported me throughout the day, where as coffee would have added to my stress level.
- Sit Still. Don’t make any rash decisions or step right into action. Allow for your feelings to surface. Feel them. Rant, rage, cry, scream, mourn. Allow space to just listen to what is asking to be called forth in you. Get to the center of your heart and discover what you need to do.
- Exercise!!! As the imminent end drew near I wanted to do nothing other than hide under the covers and sleep. The problem was, I wasn’t sleeping. My mind was obsessively racing and my heart was breaking open. I required myself to get out for a walk each day, and felt increasingly better after each time out. I’ve heard that only 15 minutes a day of brisk walking can seriously improve serotonin levels, a great prevention of depression.
- Speak your truth. Do not be afraid to let your now ex-partner know about your disappointment and pain. This can be done in a loving way that is not projecting blame, but speaks the truth in a real and direct way. If there is something you really need for them to hear, keep saying it until it can be heard.
- Let go! This is the hardest step. It means letting go of our dreams, hopes, aspirations and visions for what this relationship could have been. It means accepting and fully embracing the other as they are, and blessing them on their journey. It might mean forgiveness as you come to terms with it all. It also means letting go of the fear for what is next, the self judgement for what you “could” have done, and the anger towards the other for actions, “lack of’s”, and ultimately for putting an end to the relationship. It might also mean letting go of who you thought you were and finding a willingness to transform into something new.
- Celebrate change. Ultimately, I know deep in my heart that this divorce is the right thing. We weren’t happy and our spirits were dying. I find relief in letting go and excitement in the opportunity to begin redesigning my life as I want it, as I mourn the dissolution of the relationship. This 4th of July weekend I am going to have a “Celebrate Independence” party to fully embrace my new life and let go of the old. Rituals of any kind are so important at these times in our lives to mark new beginnings and put closure on things that are complete.
For any of you experiencing the heartbreak of “divorce”, or separation, or challenges and struggles within your love relationships, I hold you in comfort, support and love. Know that you are just fine, that it really will be OK, and the sun will come out again. Your heart will open and love will visit again. The lessons you learned on this journey will support you in new and more courageous, evolved, radically wonderful relationships, if you pay attention and do your work. The bliss comes when we are able to deeply integrate these heartaches as heart openings and a great gift to our personal evolution.
As I engage in the process of healing my own heart, I send special prayers to all relationships for healing, transformation and peace.
I send this prayer, especially, to Joao, in honor of all our dreams, lessons and the gifts of our time together.
When the dream began-Hawaii 2007
A defining photo-the dream begins to change
Somewhere in the middle of our river
Drawing to a close-we sure "looked" happy!
My favorite photo of us
