Experiencing Men, Experiencing Ourselves

Wanting to announce this new program that I am very excited about!!

I would love to invite you to a very special womyn’s circle, that I know many of you would enjoy and benefit from. This 6 week experience (meeting 1x week) explores our intimate relationships with men, our beliefs we have about men, and what patterns and behaviors we have developed that don’t support healthy, whole and happy partnerships.

As the circle is limited to only 7 womyn, and it is half full already, if you are interested it is best to let me know ASAP. If you are unable to join for this time frame, and are wishing you could be a part of the group, let me know. With enough interest we will run a 2nd group, and I am also considering a tele version of it.

Look forward to having you be a part of the circle!

Experiencing Men, Experiencing Ourselves-

A Womyn’s Relationship Support and Healing Group

A 6 week adventure, starting July 27th, and meeting for each consecutive Monday after.

6:30PM-8PM

$10-15 donation per session

Appropriate for ALL womyn-single, in relationship, married, or divorced.

Commitment to the full 6 weeks required.

The journey of intimate relationship between men and womyn is fraught with hope, desire, disappointment, pain, joy and fear. For most couples, relationship is often a struggle. While we all yearn, and have a strong urge for, love relationships that are free of mistrust, disharmony, separation and pain, rarely do we find the pot of gold at the end of the tunnel.

As womyn we especially desire to discover a nurturing, supportive, loving and tender partnership that allows for us to safely bloom into the sensual, incredible womyn creatures that we are.

Is it all the men, or do we have a part in the results and outcomes of our intimate relationships? What conscious beliefs and subconscious learnings influence our behaviors, our decisions,and our relations with men? How are we sabotaging our best intentions, or making choices so that we can continue to play out our stories?

Within a peer group of other womyn asking these same questions, and wanting to commit to a new path, we will explore our intimate relationships to, and with men. We will discover the commonality of our experiences , witnessing, acknowledging and validating our shared journey’s.

Utilizing group discussions, facilitated exercises, sharing circles, grief work, personal reflection and other processes, we will strive to understand ourselves better as we begin to discover ways to improve our relations with men through improving relationship with self. We will identify sabotaging patterns, behaviors and thoughts, and make a new commitment towards embracing a better way. We will learn how we can choose better by honoring our authentic truths, releasing fear and recognizing when we are going down a repetitive path.

This safe, confidential, and experiential loving space will also include celebration, honoring and respect of our innate beauty as womyn, the challenges we face, and the vision we share for right relationship. It is possible to experience intimacy with abundance and joy and create an amazing life that can include an amazing partner!!

Can a group of powerful and loving women help each other get what they truly want and deserve? Yes, we can!!

Coach Margie Scott is a Master Certified Retreat and Life Coach, with over 15 yrs experience facilitating groups and events. Through her work, and in support of her clients, she encourages the design of sustainable lives, relationships, and environments, with a focus on Whole Health. She is the owner of Living Bliss Life Coaching and Retreats, and has been playing the relationship game for a very long time! Her most recent game has taught her the value of conscious commitment, and has uncovered the power of hidden beliefs, sabotaging behaviors and the silent contracts that we bring to our relationships.

There is No Bliss in Divorce, or Is There?

Two nights ago, at 10PM, as I was getting ready to drop into a deep and much needed sleep, I got the call. “Sweetie”, he said, mustering up a half-assed and miserably failed effort to connect on some kind of familiar ground, ” I just can’t do it anymore. I have no commitment, no confidence and no faith that things can work out.”  I won’t tell you what he told me next, but suffice to say what it involved included zero integrity, no loving kindness and might I be so bold to say, tons of cowardliness.

Divorce ain’t pretty folks. It rocks our world, turns things upside down and leaves us swimming in a sea of questions and confusion. It strips away all hope, and reduces our faith in humanity. Sometimes we get bitter, often we get angry and many times we lose all faith in ourselves.

Technically, we weren’t married, and, we have been cohabiting for 2 yrs. We share a home, meals and a whole lot else together. For all appearances, our union held a note of perfection that both of us recognized immediately.  To be confronted with the knowledge that we were unable to hold it together, and work through the tough stuff as it showed up, fills me with an impenetrable sadness.

To be honest, it wasn’t a surprise. Still, it hurts like hell, and for someone who upholds a high level of commitment, I was in it for the long haul. One friend sent this today and it spoke so clearly to me:  “There is a life death life cycle within a relationship, if we have the courage to hang in there with it. Not to say break ups do not need to happen, but we also often trigger each others deepest stuff, and if we have the courage to hang in, can have a new birth within the relationship IF we allow ourselves to be transformed by it. Trick is, both have to want and be committed to this.”

And that was the problem, commitment, or lack there of. No matter what the game is that you are playing, you must play with 100% to get the winning results that you are looking for. Otherwise you might as well stay on the bench, or not even show up for the game. I wanted to hang in and discover the new birth, he couldn’t handle the labor.

How do we gracefully deal with these moments, when our heart is breaking and our spirit is shaken? Here are some things I have learned along the way:

• Don’t Do It Alone!! For me, (as a Life Coach supporting others in the design of sustainable relationships and with a business called Living Bliss!), the idea of letting others learn that my life wasn’t perfect was horrifying. Yet, in reaching out I have found so much love, comfort and support that I am almost forgetting about…. what was his name?
• Practice Radical Self Care. I say radical because these are the moments when it is hardest to care for, and be loving to, ourselves. This morning, raw from last nights call and not much sleep, I ate steamed veggies just picked from the garden, and warm rice. The yummy nourishing effects supported me throughout the day, where as coffee would have added to my stress level.
  
• Sit Still. Don’t make any rash decisions or step right into action. Allow for your feelings to surface. Feel them. Rant, rage, cry, scream, mourn. Allow space to just listen to what is asking to be called forth in you. Get to the center of your heart and discover what you need to do.
  
• Exercise!!! As the imminent end drew near I wanted to do nothing other than hide under the covers and sleep. The problem was, I wasn’t sleeping. My mind was obsessively racing and my heart was breaking open. I required myself to get out for a walk each day, and felt increasingly better after each time out. I’ve heard that only 15 minutes a day of brisk walking can seriously improve serotonin levels, a great prevention of depression.
  
• Speak your truth. Do not be afraid to let your now ex-partner know about your disappointment and pain. This can be done in a loving way that is not projecting blame, but speaks the truth in a real and direct way. If there is something you really need for them to hear, keep saying it until it can be heard.
  
• Let go! This is the hardest step. It means letting go of our dreams, hopes, aspirations and visions for what this relationship could have been. It means accepting and fully embracing the other as they are, and blessing them on their journey. It might mean forgiveness as you come to terms with it all. It also means letting go of the fear for what is next, the self judgement for what you “could” have done, and the anger towards the other for actions, “lack of’s”, and ultimately for putting an end to the relationship.  It might also mean letting go of who you thought you were and finding a willingness to transform into something new.
• Celebrate change. Ultimately, I know deep in my heart that this divorce is the right thing. We weren’t happy and our spirits were dying. I find relief in letting go and excitement in the opportunity to begin redesigning my life as I want it, as I mourn the dissolution of the relationship. This 4th of July weekend I am going to have a “Celebrate Independence” party to fully embrace my new life and let go of the old. Rituals of any kind are so important at these times in our lives to mark new beginnings and put closure on things that are complete.
  

For any of you experiencing the heartbreak of “divorce”, or separation, or challenges and struggles within your love relationships, I hold you in comfort, support and love. Know that you are just fine, that it really will be OK, and the sun will come out again. Your heart will open and love will visit again. The lessons you learned on this journey will support you in new and more courageous, evolved, radically wonderful relationships, if you pay attention and do your work. The bliss comes when we are able to deeply integrate these heartaches as heart openings and a great gift to our personal evolution.

As I engage in the process of healing my own heart, I send special prayers to all relationships for healing, transformation and peace.

I send this prayer, especially, to Joao, in honor of all our dreams, lessons and the gifts of our time together.

Sustaining Long Term Relationships

You grew up together. You went to school together. You have known each other a long time and no-one knows you like they do. You met on vacation and have stayed friends ever since. You used to be partners a long time ago and now you are the best of friends.

We all have those special people in our lives; true friends we can’t imagine not being there, and that have been with us for a long time. What makes these relationships last longer, and others come and go so quickly?

This morning I was doing an interview with Sharon Michaels on Blogtalk radio (I’ll post it as soon as it goes live!) and I was talking about my work around encouraging sustainable lives, relationships and environments. It seems to me that sustainability needs to be looked at differently, from a broader perspective. As the world looks at planetary resources, and creating energy in environmentally sustainable ways, so to do we, as individuals, need to do the same. We must continuously ask ourselves-is what I am doing producing energy that is renewable, or is it depleting my resource?

Back to relationships. My theory is that those relationships that last and last are the ones that consistently and constantly provide renewable energy sources. They feed us in ways we need and want. They lift us up and hold us up. They provide the kind of energy that helps us to grow and learn and evolve. They give us that freedom to grow, and don’t abandon us when we need a little extra push in our lives. They’ve got a back up energy supply when our batteries are running low

Take a look at the special people in your life that have been there for awhile. Check out my theory and explore how those relationships give you energy. Now take a look at the ones that don’t feel so good, that maybe you need to let go of, or that you are hoping would go away on their own. What’s the difference?Do you have more relationships that produce energy, or more that deplete your energy? If the latter is true I encourage you to begin the process of letting go of these destructive dynamics that only serve to bring you down.

Speaking of long term relationships, I am in the midst of preparing to head up to Utah for my 30th High School reunion!! Hard to believe so much time has gone by. I am really excited about connecting with old friends, rediscovering classmates in ways I have not previously known them, and bringing my full authentic self to the table. It’s funny. As I communicate with some of them, most of whom I have not seen in years, it seems as if no time has really gone by. The essence of these amazingly gifted, smart, funny, and wild old classmates, and friends, is still the same. I feel the energy within myself build up as I imagine the way renewed connections will nurture, feed and inspire all of us. The fun factor alone will probably produce enough energy to fuel my car all the way back home!

While we don’t all stay in touch, all of the time, I know that this group of friends will regularly be a touchstone in my life, a place to come home to and a way to remember with great reverence where I have come from. They witnessed, and accepted me, as a naive, skinny, rural teenager from the East Coast, who was far from home and had no clue what she was stepping into for her senior year of High School. There is no doubt they will do the same for this just-a-little-bit-wiser, not-so-skinny, menopausal women, who knows that home is where your heart is.

Relationship Sustainability-Myth or Attainable?

Yesterday morning I took a long walk. My getting-better-all-the-time-routine is to take a walk every morning. This time however, I walked with a bit of a heavy heart.  Relational dynamics with my partner were really troubling me, and my soul (never mind the Coach in me!) was aching to find some solutions .

I walked with the question of: What does designing sustainable relationships really mean, and is it even attainable? Quite honestly, this isn’t a game I feel I have played so well over the years, at least within the realms of intimate, primary partnership. My father once said that I go through boyfriends faster than he goes through trucks! (Of course I wasn’t sure how this applied as it seemed I was going through way more boyfriends than he was trucks! But I guessed he was trying to tell me something in his John Wayne style of fathering). While in the past my successes haven’t been so great, it is a game I continue to master and am learning to play in a whole new way!

Since I’ve read Marci Shimoff’s “Happy For No Reason” book, I have been making a practice of increasing my happiness set point. She talks about how you can choose to be happy, no matter what circumstances or situations are occurring in your life. While my heavy heart wanted to have a pity party, something else decided it was more important to somehow put this choice into action. I began to focus on all the beautiful things around me, and there were so many! The exquisite orange Ocotillo blossom against a lush green background of trees.  The delicate white thistle flowers. The grey silhouette of the Elm and Chiricahua Mountains in the distance. The sweep of wispy clouds against the dramatic blue sky. The call of the Cactus Wren. So many things to bring joy to my heart!

The more I walked, the better I felt. Suddenly,everything I needed to know came tumbling through with great clarity! What needed to be said, how to say it, and the awareness that it needed to all be said very, very quickly. There was no more waiting, no more pretending, no more allowing. A certain rush of emotion came up with it, and I tenderly allowed for it. As I continued to focus on all the beauty around me, a calmness spread through out me and I moved into a grounded place of knowing that was soothing and comforting.

My ultimate belief is that sustainable relationship is attainable. What this means to me is a relationship that gives and nurtures energy, rather than draining it. What I know is that I’ve just been doing it wrong all these years. I looked outside myself for the energy, rather than harvesting it within myself. In doing so it was hard to see the beauty that was all around me, available for my own personal harvest! When, on my walk, I focused on that which brings me joy, I found the answers to that which was bringing me sadness. I went home, we had a great talk and the dynamics are in a positive place. And that is happy making! Which creates more energy, which builds on the happiness, which expands the energy even more, which……well, you get it, right??

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